|
Funeral Etiquette: Family and Friends • Birthdays, weddings and yes, even funerals are considered milestones in our lives. • In the case of death, the newspaper obituary is a good start for details and instruction. • The subject of death is difficult for many. When we are nervous, we sometimes say the wrong thing. Your ‘instantaneous’ reaction should be, “How may I help?” It’s not the time to back away but to show compassion. • The Golden Rule is to remember that when someone is mourning the loss of a loved one, we can never offer up enough support and condolence. This can be done effectively through a personal note to express your sympathy and your willingness to offer up help. • What to say in a note? Let compassion guide your heart. Avoid comments such as it really was a blessing or be thankful their suffering is over. Instead, stick to the common sense approach of being sympathetic and letting them know why the deceased meant to much to you and what in impact they had on your life. Sensitivity is key in these topics. • To send flowers or not to? The only way to find out is to ask close family members about their preference. This can be tricky and cultural specific. For example, one should never send flowers to an orthodox Jewish funeral. At catholic services, only the family’s bouquet and perhaps one at the later are permitted. Do your homework. • What to send? A card is always appropriate in the case of death of a boss, employee or colleague as well as for a close relative of an employee, boss or colleague, vendor or customer. You can also make a contribution to the deceased’s favorite charity. Again, look to the obituary for details or call the funeral home which will be listed in the obituary. Tasks at the deceased’s home 1. Small children may need a babysitter, help line them up or volunteer yourself! 2. Having someone in charge of the phone could be a welcomed relief so that messages may be relayed as to funeral specifics. 3. Likewise, the family may need help phoning friends and relatives about funeral details. 4. All incoming flowers/ messages/gifts etc. should be duly recorded for thank you notes. 5. Food should be arranged for the family either by hand delivery or caterered meals. At the funeral • Dress. Keep the clothing somber and avoid bright and flashy clothes. For men, this translates into dark suits and ties; for women, a dress or suit in a quieter color is best. • If eulogizing. Be brief, anecdotal, respectful and of course descriptive about only positive legacies about the deceased.
|
|
|
Lisa M. Grotts |
