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Conversation Etiquette: How to Engage in Small Talk Why is small talk important? Because conversation is what people say to one another to be social. Through our conditioned behavior of standard questions and answers, people connect! So much has been written about the importance of appearance, but if we can't back up our physical appearance with intelligent conversation, it won't matter how we look! Open your mouth and it's all over! Many corporate executives and professionals feel right at home in the office but feel uncomfortable in the social arena. They don't know how to make small talk with strangers and acquaintances. Translation: potential clients or new friends! Often times at business and social events, we tend to gravitate to people we know. It's a comfort level and always familiar. Further, we fear rejection of how a stranger might react to us. This is human nature. Its a big mistake to back away from anyone during conversation. Americans in conversation are very space conscious whereas southerners tend to stand closer in conversation. The English stand further apart than Americans; Asians even further. Persons form the Mideast, Mediterranean and Latin countries stand very close all the time. What are some of the ways to make good small talk? 1. Be well informed. 2. Read at least one daily newspaper and a weekly news magazine. I read my Google page for daily updates. 3. Before going to an event, read the headlines of the day. Current events are perfect for small talk. And don't forget the sports and arts pages. Whats news in your city today? 4. Be ready for a conversational lull. The other person will be grateful for your filling the silence and will most likely follow your lead. 5. Ask a person about himself. People are flattered to talk about themselves. 6. To engage in small talk, one does not need to have an in-depth conversation but rather an exchange of social niceties. Party talk is anything but serious or long. In fact, you want to talk to someone just long enough to stay in the ballpark and be polite. Good vs. Bad Topics GOOD Current events, news Food Hobbies Industry talk Memberships Movies Mutual friends Sports Styles & Trends BAD Any family issues Anything personal such as health Gossip Off color jokes Politics Religion The cost of things Work issues/ office secrets
If all the above fails, you can always play a game that Eleanor Roosevelt did while she was first lady. She would go down the list of the alphabet until a subject sparked a listeners interest. For example, A = Apples (How are those apple crops?); B = Baseball (Will Barry Bonds really be indicted for steroid use?); C = Crab (I love winter because crab is in season.). Got the idea? Part of a being a good conversationalist is being a good listener. Act interested even if you are not. George Bernard Shaw once said, "One way to be popular is to listen attentively to a lot of things you already know." End your conversation by always saying good bye. A successful brief encounter requires only a few well chosen words, good eye contact and a few minutes of your time.
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Lisa M. Grotts |
